HPo: Honey Pop
by The Fanfic Phantom
Summary: With a name like Alfred Dingle, one would assume that befriending women, or even just people would come naturally. In reality this could not be farther from the truth. Luckily, our "Hero" has the help of a mystical love fairy to guide him through his adventures. It's a mess. Will there be blood? Probably not, but in the game of love and war nothing is off the table.
1. I

**HPO**

 **By The FanFic Phantom**

 **Introduction:** _My history on Fanfiction is, in a single word, inconsistent. I originally joined the website many, many years ago; I have a strong sense that I am more than likely older than the average user here. About four years ago was when I last published a literary work onto this site; it was an updated comedic approach to a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction that I had written five years prior. It was not good, and I abandoned the project shortly after it was begun. You could say that I have been on a long and indefinite hiatus from using my penmanship. But after playing through the game, HuniePop, I could not help but feel compelled toward writing a creating a more fulfilling version of the story to the game. A few months passed and with some mild planning, I have started writing my version of HuniePop._

 _This will be a more character focused story line, as I felt that the source material came very close to greatness but fell flat in several areas regarding the humanity of the characters portrayed. I am not looking to rewrite the entire game, as that would be considered ludicrous. I will, however, be exploring the different mindsets of the girls and of my own protagonist Alfred. I'll talk later in future chapters more about my goals for Alfred as a character and a person. I do not, however, have a clear goal as to where I want this story to go, and I am not sure how long it will be. Plans will change as they are made, and the time on updates for chapters may vary. Regardless, I look forward to hearing the lovely feedback from all of you. Enjoy this story:_

 **I**

"I really don't think I am capable of doing this," Alfred mumbled to himself as he walked into the mall. It was late in the morning, just after ten thirty. The shopping center had only been open for a half hour, and yet it was already vastly populated. Families, friends and annoying children made their way to different stores, and ate at varied restaurants, all ignoring the troubled young adult.

He was an awkward young man, only twenty-one years of age. He stood silently and alone at the entrance square next to the video game store, and shuffled his feet. He wore black corduroys with gray sneakers that were at least two years old. Around his torso was an old Pink Floyd shirt that was half a size too big, and on top of that was a Led Zeppelin hoodie which was equally old to his shoes. It wasn't cold outside, but having a snug jacket on helped him feel at ease when in public. He hadn't been to this place in at least eight months; the last time he did come was to watch a movie with his parents who had driven up north to visit him. He shook his head at the memory of the film. He hadn't enjoyed it.

He turned to his left and spoke down as if someone slightly shorter than him was standing there; "Do I really have to do this?" he whined.

"Wow, you really are a baby," replied a sarcastic high pitched female voice. To the average human, it would appear that Alfred Dingle, a reasonably normal looking man in need of a haircut was standing alone in a shopping mall talking to the air around him. But in reality, Alfred Dingle was not alone; no, he was standing in the shopping mall with a fairy; to be more specific, a _love_ fairy.

Her name was Kyu Sugardust. She was shorter than Alfred by about five inches, but stood next to him as his superior. Of course, she was completely invisible to everyone that surrounded them but him. She grabbed his face and pulled him down so that he could look directly into her green eyes, "Everything will be fine, if you simply listen to me. _Trust me_ , okay?" Her voice was soft and reassuring, but as soon as she released her grip on his cheeks he felt fear penetrate his soul.

 _"I am so pathetic,"_ he thought to himself. He had only known Kyu for roughly twelve hours, and she already had more confidence in him than he had gained in his short twenty-one years on this planet. Or maybe she didn't have any confidence, and was just looking for a cheap laugh. That seemed more plausible. When he took the time to think about the entire situation that he was in, he wasn't sure what to make of it.

* * *

It had begun last night; he was at a bar, drinking alone. He did this often, as he didn't have very many friends in real life. (Come to think of it, Alfred had _no friends_ in real life.) But he had been drinking lightly as an old song from the 1970's played in the background; and after only one beer had begun to shake his head in disapproval at the sadness that he was confronted with in the realization that no one other than his parents really cared about him. He felt coldness drench itself through his veins and stood up to leave when he had been approached by a beautiful brunette in a magnificent red dress.

" _A chance encounter!"_ he thought excitedly.

To his disappointment, the occurrence did not end well as he had somehow conjectured that the woman, gorgeous as she was, was actually a prostitute. The fine details on how this was said were a muddy blur, as Alfred had blacked out after being slapped by the woman. In truth, he didn't remember insulting the intoxicating woman; but Alfred knew he was so bad at socializing with people, that he simply believed Kyu when he woke up this morning in his one bedroomed apartment.

Ironically, Kyu had been the beautiful woman in the red dress. When he woke up, she was hovering over him dressed surprisingly promiscuous. Her simple butterfly-like fairy wings were translucent with pink veins that attached at her upper back, and gave her flight. He brunette hair was now a bright pink. In fact, almost everything she wore was pink. She hadn't been wearing pants, but instead wore pink panties with a cute purple butterfly on the front. The rest of her outfit was scandalous, as she wore bright pink and white lingerie, complimented by sherbet hued pink stockings that covered her lower legs. She looked very pretty, but Alfred was confused by the entire situation.

Why had she appeared to him at a bar incognito? The answer, while ridiculous and unrealistic, left Alfred uncomfortable and feeling victimized. As mentioned earlier, Kyu was a love fairy set with a task of helping hopeless people find love. After she had explained her mission of getting Alfred a lover, or in this case, _laid,_ he couldn't help but wonder what had taken her so long to find him. He had never kissed a girl, or been romantically involved with one at all. The last time he talked to a girl leisurely must have been two years ago.

* * *

"Can we just go back to my apartment and play some video games?" he scratched the back of his head, suddenly remembering that he was indeed in public with an invisible fairy. She bumped her hip against his side. It was surprisingly painful. He quietly yelped.

"Stop bitching, and let's find you a girl!" Kyu's voice was enthusiastic. She sweetly winked at him as she took his hand and led him through the mall. She walked even though she had wings and could fly. Alfred thought that she walked so that he would look less ridiculous holding her hand at ground level instead of up in the air. But he realized that he looked ridiculous walking, no being dragged around by an invisible force no matter what. He tried to let go of her hand, but her grip tightened. How was she so strong?

In front of them were some escalators that led upstairs toward a food court and movie theater. The two went up them toward the second floor. "If we find you a girl and you manage get her number," Kyu began, "Then we can go back and play some Mario Kart."

"Get her number?!" blurted Alfred. He wasn't angry, but confused. "How the hell do you expect me to do that?" He realized how childish he was acting, but the fact of the matter was that he was incredibly uncomfortable with approaching people in public. It had always been a part of him. Kyu ignored him for a bit before answering him.

"Remember what I told you earlier? No one but you can see or hear me. I'll tell you everything you need to say. All you have to do is obey." Kyu's voice was smooth as silk, and the way she spoke warmed Alfred; and for a brief moment he thought that what she was saying made sense. It gave him the confidence he needed. Maybe this plan wasn't so crazy after all. Could there be a method to this madness?

He silently nodded in agreement. Kyu smiled, apparently content with herself. But it wasn't long before his newly gained confidence wore thin. Alfred couldn't get a fixture on what kind of a person Kyu really was. This morning when she had woken him up, the fairy claimed that it was her job, no _, her duty_ to help Alfred find love. This seemed to be a load of bollocks to Alfred; and for the most part, he was convinced he was still asleep and dreaming in his bed. Who's to say that this whole shenanigan was not a contraption contrived by his conscious? He had to make sure.

"Hey Kyu," he spoke softly, almost nervous. Kyu stopped walking, and turned around. She still firmly held onto his hand, but loosened her grip slightly when she could see the anxiousness that lay in Alfred's eyes. The two were standing in front of a hair salon; a group of five or six teenagers (Depending on what you count as a teen) was walking by on their smart phones, too busy with their social media to notice that Alfred was standing alone in front of a salon talking to himself.

"What's up?" Kyu asked cautiously. She was not sure if Alfred was going to say was something legitimately disconcerting or whether or not he was going to whine some more. Either way, she felt slightly agitated. "Are you okay? You know that you can do this," she said behind a fake smile. By this point, she was starting to lose hope. All Alfred had done so far was whine and the two hadn't even met a girl yet. Her patience was great; but never before had she met someone so bafflingly bad at socializing with another human being.

"No, no it's not that," he began; "It's just that I'm having a fairly difficult time trying to process this entire situation." Kyu raised an eyebrow, as if saying she knew where this conversation was going.

Alfred didn't notice, however, as he was too busy looking at the ground, and fumbling around with his foot; too afraid to make eye contact, in case he was about to insult another being. "What I mean, is that I am having a hard time believing that you're real; or that I'm even awake. I don't know, maybe I'm passed out in my house, and I'm going to wake up with a massive hang over." He spoke slowly, and clumsily. There wasn't very much thought put into what he said, and he knew that.

He quickly glanced at Kyu's face, and the look of annoyance on her face made Alfred feel like a fool. "Are you saying that you want me to _pinch_ you?" she said slowly as she took one step closer to him. He chuckled nervously, taking one step back to maintain his distance.

"Well, no, not exactly," he began, as she took another step closer. He took another back, anxious to keep a fair distance from the strangely scary pink haired woman; "I just think that," he continued, "maybe you could give me some sort of sign that I'm not dreaming, that's all." He closed his eyes tightly as he finished the sentence. The pixie had him cornered up against a wall. She stepped closer to him. Kyu was so close to him that he could feel her soft breath on him. She breathed slowly, and seemed calm; _too calm._ He took a deep breath of fear; she smelt surprisingly warm, as if her very essence was one of love and selflessness. He opened his eyes in surprise. She was still there, staring at him. Her eyes were a magnificent green; the kind that you would see in nature.

"You want to know if I'm real?" she whispered. Unnerved by this strange woman's presence, he was fully convinced that she was real now. But regardless, he nodded his head in agreement. "Okay," she bluntly said.

Alfred felt his legs turn to Jell-O as a deep pain shot itself from his groin and into his spine. He fell to his knees, making a sound similar to that of a broken car horn. He gasped for air and immediately placed both hands on his crotch. Yep, it was still there, but it felt as if it had been torn from his body. He tried to grab hold of Kyu for support, but she gracefully flew out of reach with her wings. It wasn't until he hit the floor, that Alfred realized that Kyu did indeed "pinch" him. If by pinch, you mean knee him in the gonads.

"My nuts!" he loudly exclaimed, oblivious to the fact that people were still around him. "My nuts!" he yelled again. The pain was potent, and only got worse as he lay on the ground. It felt as if his scrotum was covered in thermite and burning furiously. "My nuts!" he yelled a third time. His face was red; a loud ringing in his ears covered the sound of people laughing at him.

Kyu giggled; her shrill would have probably been adorable if it weren't for her laughing at his pain. _"Damn that fairy,"_ he thought to himself. A black teenage boy wearing square glasses eventually came and helped him up, apparently concerned for him. Why was he concerned? He didn't know Alfred. Perhaps he also had a love fairy that had once kicked him in the crotch. Alfred smiled at the boy and the thought. His face was still red, but he had started to feel better. A man a ways away was rolling on the floor guffawing himself into an early grave. Alfred felt suddenly embarrassed.

"Some of my friends filmed you. It was pretty funny." The dark skinny boy said with a smile, patting Alfred on the back. His face turned began to turn red again, and he slowly sulked away; some kids saluted him as he walked past them. He found a trio of black leather couches in a nearby sitting area and sat on one.

There was a small coffee table directly in front of him where he put his feet to rest them. A bronze statue of a well-endowed man sat on the table. The figurine was pointing forward, directly at Alfred's damaged manhood. Was it mocking him? The face the figure was making would certainly make it seem so. Alfred mouthed something inappropriate to the statue, and turned it to face another way.

He had never felt so embarrassed in his life. But then again, he had never really been embarrassed before. (Being embarrassed usually required some form of socialization) It was a strange feeling; being embarrassed. Why was he embarrassed? He didn't care what anyone thought about him. He had never seen any of these people before, and he would probably never see them again. He began to tap his head as he thought in a manner similar to Winnie the Pooh.

Could it be that he was embarrassed because Kyu saw him on the ground crying about his testes? Why would that be embarrassing? Anyone, even the strongest man falls when hit in the groin. No, that couldn't have been the reason for being embarrassed. Would that embarrass a normal person? Would a normal person ever get hit in the balls by a love fairy? What was he going to have for dinner? Did he have to feed Kyu? Did she even eat? Alfred's thoughts began to wander off into oblivion and the absurd until Kyu found him sitting on the couch, dazed and confused.

She landed directly in front of him, both hands on her hips. It reminded him of Peter Pan. "Well, was that real enough for you?" she asked harshly.

Alfred raised both eyebrows and pursed his lips. His first reaction would have been a snarky comment to spite the fairy. But he remembered that she was stronger than she looked, and nearly knocked him out minutes earlier with a single graceful kick. Resourcefully, Alfred nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, I guess," he mumbled.

"Good!" Kyu spoke as if she were too different people. One was a strict business woman, and the other a loving friend. It was bizarre how she was capable of going from abnormally amiable and encouraging to a terrifying beast capable of smashing his testicles. He shuddered at the thought, and took her hand. "I'm sorry for hitting you," apologized the girl.

"It's okay," replied Alfred instantly and without thought; unsure if he even meant what he said. He realized that he should be mad at her, but for some strange reason he was not. Could it be because she was a girl that actually showed interest in his well-being? Or could it be that he really didn't mind having been pulverized in his genitals. After all, that was the first time any girl had touched him down there. He smiled to himself at this realization.

"Are you sure?" Kyu began, "Because most guys would probably want to kill me, after that." She winked at him.

Was she teasing him? Mocking him? Being sincere? Alfred could not tell. The way she spoke and used her body language was so unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was hard to tell whether or not she was flirting with him or just being a love fairy. She definitely was not human though. Humans didn't act like this, or if they did, he was positive that he had never met one that would.

Alfred began to open his mouth to word a reply to the fairy but was abruptly cut off by the sounds of a heated exchange. Kyu noticed it too, as it was a loud scuffle. The two turned their heads toward the hair salon where Alfred had been molested earlier.

Two girls stormed out the front confronting one another; one appeared to be an employee of the salon, and the other looked slightly younger than Alfred. Still holding his hand, Kyu began to drag Alfred closer toward the argument to better hear the two fighting. "What are you doing?" Alfred protested

"I want to hear the juicy details to this! Maybe a cat fight will break out!" Kyu kept pulling Alfred closer.

"Take yourself then! You don't need me!" Alfred insisted. Talking to a girl and getting her phone number was one thing, but communicating with an angry girl was something else entirely. He spoke in a hushed voice, as if he were trying to go undetected. He ignored the fact that he must have looked completely ridiculous, being literally dragged through the mall, but no one seemed to notice as most eyes were fixated on the two girls. "They can't even see you;" continued to troubled boy, "You could be as close as you wanted without it being weird."

Before Alfred knew it, he and the fairy were so close to the pair of ladies that he could see the sweat on their brows.

 **Thoughts:** _The first chapter to this story was extremely spontaneous; as I feel is very apparent, not very much thought was put into it, as I mostly let the words write themselves. It was written in about three hours. I hope to improve the overall quality of the story in future installments. What did you think of this first chapter? Please let me know in the review section._

 _Until next time,_

 **TFP**


	2. II

**Introduction:** _Work on this chapter took significantly longer than I would have liked. Various circumstances such as work, school and Thanksgiving prevented me from being able to write as often as I would have liked. The end of the chapter was also a struggle due to time constraints; but overall, I feel that this is a more diverse and interesting chapter than that of the first. Enjoy._

 **II**

After it became apparent that the ironclad brace that Kyu firmly held onto Alfred's hand was never going to tarnish, the antisocial young adult, desperate to break free from the confines that held him, sought refuge in the only way he saw fit: by letting his body fall limp into oblivion; playing dead. In Alfred's mind, perhaps Kyu would not want to risk her exposure by having a body drag itself toward an already tense situation. A brief moment of a euphoric sense crawled into him as Kyu stopped moving forward. Apparently, she _did_ notice the sudden weight gain in the cargo she had been carrying.

The fairy turned around and groaned, "Good hell, you are the whiniest adult that I have ever met! On your feet!" and with a snap of her fingers, a sudden force gently wrapped itself around Alfred and forced him to stand up straight, proper, and attentive. Alfred was giving death wails and shrieks on the inside, but on the outside of his conscious he was calm and quiet. To the surrounding crowd, it must have looked as though he stood himself up.

Was this how a normal person stood? When standing, Alfred always positioned himself slightly slouched over. It wasn't out of some sort of dire medical condition, such as being a hunchback or anything regarding that nature; he simply stood as if there was a backpack on his back, even though he hadn't worn one in years. It felt good standing upright. He noticed how much taller he was. Was Kyu really that short? She was a fairy, so it seemed natural for her to be shorter. But if she was a fairy, why wasn't she five inches tall? That seemed to be a conversation that needed to be had at another more appropriate time.

He was no longer standing against his will, and found himself wondering if the love fairy still had control of his body; and so Alfred raised both of his arms and jumped at the same time. It worked!

"Yes, you still have control of your own body, you dumb-dumb," Kyu sarcastically remarked.

For a brief moment, Alfred considered playing dead once again, but he figured that it would be futile, as Kyu would surely rise him up once more. The two were now close enough to the girls that Alfred could clearly understand the words the girls were saying to one another; but he came to the conclusion that what they were saying to one another didn't really matter, as he was busy examining the two girls in question. If he was going to approach the two, he would rather speak to the one that he found more attractive.

He realized in full how harsh that would sound if he voiced his opinion to Kyu, but realistically Alfred doubted that he would have anything in common with a complete stranger, let alone a girl. He still didn't know how he was going to meet one of these girls. His stomach churned at the realization that very soon he was going to be having a conversation with someone that he did not want to speak to. Perhaps, if the female was attractive, he wouldn't feel as nervous. Surely, that would comfort him; and if it didn't work, then he was most sure that talking to the more attractive person would generate the opposite effect that he had hoped for.

Either way, he was positive this wouldn't end well for him.

There wasn't much to see between the two girls regarding their personal appearances, as one had her back turned to Alfred and Kyu, while simultaneously blocking the second girl from their view. This made Alfred feel more anxious. He wanted to be able to get an initial first impression from how the two girls dressed, but was only able to see the back side of one of them. From behind the girl that he could see, he was able to gather that she was an employee at the salon as she was wearing an all-black uniform similar to the other workers in the salon. Her hair was extravagantly long; even in a ponytail it reached toward her bottom.

The second girl was obviously out of view due to the long haired one. The two were engaged in a heated argument that Alfred cared little for. Why should he care? The one that wasn't employed at the parlor used needlessly foul language that made others in the area squint and shudder. The employee, tried to calm her down, but the other girl simply had had enough and after interjecting that the hair-mistress was a prostitute of some nature, the two separated unscathed physically. (Although Alfred was sure that both would feel some form of emotional damage from such a heated exchange)

Alfred held onto a look of surprised confusion on his face. What was he to do now? Chase after one of them? What would be the point of that? Surely, neither one of the girls had any desire to speak to him now. Surely neither one of the girls had a desire to speak to him _before_ the sissy fight. He turned around to go fish somewhere else in the sea. Kyu wasn't going to have that though.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she hissed through her teeth.

Alfred spoke bluntly, "I'm going to fish somewhere else." He realized after the words had escaped his mouth how stupid his sentence was. He didn't care though; by this point he was feeling demoralized; again.

"Why would you go look somewhere else? This is a golden opportunity! Both of those stupid bitches are mad, and you could easily get one of their phone numbers! Go! Choose one of them!" From behind him, Kyu pushed Alfred forward.

What was the point in resisting a magical fairy that could physically manipulate his actions? Reluctantly, Alfred began to walk after the girl that wasn't an employee at the mall. In his mind, she was the one worth pursuing, as the other girl was still at work, and more than likely had appointments with customers that she had to fill. When Kyu asked why Alfred was going after the other girl, he explained his reasoning. To his surprise, she actually agreed with his points. Maybe he was catching on?

The other girl was about a hundred feet away from Alfred and Kyu. She had begun to go down some escalators to the first floor of the mall. From this distance, Alfred was able to speculate that the girl had bright red hair. The two pursued her quickly, but nonchalantly.

After a quick trip down the moving stairs, the pair struggled to find the girl with the red hair in the crowded mall. Kyu flew slightly to see over the many faces that surrounded them. "Over there!" she exclaimed, pointing toward an exit. "She's heading toward the parking garage," the fairy said as she gently dragged Alfred behind herself.

The young man kept his pace close to the fairy's as he did not want to annoy her further than she currently was. Her voice, while gentle started to sound strained. _"Perhaps she is hungry,"_ Alfred thought. That reflection just raised further questions he had on whether or not she actually did eat. She was a living creature, so Alfred came to the conclusion that she more than likely did. (But what she ate was a completely different subject)

Moments later, they found that they were in the parking garage. It was a large concrete expanse that held a draft from the warm September winds outside. To the right, a large opening stood tall as the entrance; and to the left were numerous parking spots both empty and filled that went on for hundreds of feet. The room held an echo for even the smallest of sounds and when he breathed in, Alfred could smell the stench of fresh cigarettes.

He followed his nose along a sidewalk near the wall, and just a couple feet away from where he was stood the girl with the scarlet hair. She was a thin girl in a red and white plaid Lolita dress, and she appeared to be no older than Alfred was. It became clear to him as he approached her that her head was actually comprised of a faded red with hints of other colors such as bright blond teasing at her bangs. Her haircut was made into many layers and the back of her head was a darker crimson that reached down toward her mid back. Decorated on her body were numerous black ribbons and bows that complimented other features of hers such as her white high heels. At her breast, she wore a large bow that was burgundy and black. She didn't look as Alfred had suspected she would, and he wasn't entirely sure if he was attracted to how she looked. But she did look unique. She had a persona that reminded him of a character that one would find inside of an anime.

As Alfred stepped closer and closer toward her, he felt the familiar stinging of fear grip itself around his throat. He swallowed heavily as Kyu sweetly rang in advice on his behalf, "Before you speak to her, I need you to know that confidence is the most important key aspect in this conversation. She's not going to have any of your bitching or bullshit. So remember, be brilliant."

Before Alfred could ask Kyu how she knew what he needed to say or that confidence was important, he was standing right in front of the red haired girl. She was leaning against a wall while texting and smoking; and after noticing the awkward man approaching her, she met eyes with him. Her eyes were that of a crimson red as dark as anything Alfred had ever seen. A passion burned deep inside of them, although Alfred was unsure of what kind of ardor that might be.

"Who the fuck are you?" the girl with the cartoon red hair coldly asked as she breathed out cigarette fumes directly into Alfred's face. Her voice was sharp and shrill and she enunciated very well; she didn't speak in a soft or sweet manner like Kyu at all. This surprised Alfred, as he had hoped that his first encounter with a girl would be with someone more appropriate or ladylike.

The love fairy's words of advice consistently rang deep in the back of his mind. He _needed_ to be confident and brilliant. But how was he going to do that? He didn't know anything about how to properly socialize with a complete stranger. Perhaps if he pretended to be one of the cool guys in a movie he could get out of this situation without being humiliated. The only problem with that scenario was that Alfred's mind had gone into a complete blank and he could not remember any movies with men that would be deemed "cool."

Images of Leonardo DiCaprio's character from James Cameron's film, Titanic, rushed its way into the center of his mind. He felt ridiculous that at his hour of need, his intellect and memory could only conjure up a character from a sappy 90's drama that his mother made him repeatedly watch as a child. But he did remember thinking that the character, Jack, was formidable. What would _he_ have done? Alfred knew immediately.

The young man chose to ignore the rudeness of the red haired brat, and quickly thought of a suave reply to her question. "I'm your smoking buddy," he said the words coolly and without concluding to any sort of consequences. He added, "Can I bum a butt off of you?" and to his surprise, as he held his hand out to the girl, she coyly handed him a single cigarette. _"This is actually working!"_ he excitedly thought to himself while trying to keep a calm demeanor on the outside.

Kyu muttered some curse word of joy and relief. Alfred ignored her as he put the cigarette into his mouth; the girl lit it for him with a silver lighter that she had pulled out of a black leather purse. The small metallic object had a picture of a pink panda bear smoking marijuana on it. He breathed in the menthol smoke. It was a familiar smell and taste. This wasn't his first time smoking, as he had done it plenty of times in the past while at the bar to calm his social anxiety. But he hadn't smoked in a year and he began to feel light headed. The taste was foul and made his tongue feel curdled. Despite his body screaming at him for inhaling literal poison, Alfred kept a straight face.

"I guess I could use a smoking buddy," the girl said while looking at her phone. "But you didn't answer my question," she continued, "who the _fuck_ are you?" She took a small puff off of her cancer stick and looked directly at Alfred. Her voice this time was slightly friendlier as if she was actually curious now; her face was impossible to read for Alfred.

What was she thinking? Did she really care who he was, or was she simply trying to find a way to get rid of him. Alfred came to the conclusion that she couldn't have been trying to get rid of him as she _did_ give him the cigarette after all.

He felt as though her eyes were piercing into his soul. They were such a magnificent rose red. "I'm Alfred," he said bluntly as he held his hand out to shake hers. She took it. Her hands were soft around the edges but felt surprisingly callused. "What's your name?" he awkwardly asked. He had made it this far, but did not know what to say, or how to say it. Small talk was never an advantage for him; but he figured that the basic point of a conversation would be to getting to know simple information about one another.

"It's Audrey," the girl said as she released his hand and looked back down toward her phone. "Why do you look familiar?" she asked in a monotonous tone, her eyes never leaving the small screen. She didn't actually sound curious, but at least she was showing enough interest to ask questions in return.

Alfred was taken aback. Where would Audrey have recognized him from? He had most definitely never seen her before. Could it be from the bar? She looked like the type of girl that would frequent drinking establishments. He turned to Kyu, a look of bewilderment on his face. Kyu shrugged back, equally confused. Some help she was turning out to be.

Audrey began to speak, and the familiar sense of terror and embarrassment struck Alfred once again. "Oh, aren't you that guy that was crying about his balls or something earlier?" she turned her head to him, a huge smile on her face. She breathed out more smoke, this time she breathed it to the side away from the young man's face.

"Fuck" was the only word that Alfred could think of. How humiliating this was! To have his would be courtship remember him only for the public humiliation that he had felt only moments earlier. He wanted to turn around and walk away from the situation, never to see Audrey again, but Kyu's words of encouragement continued to play in an endless loop at the back of his mind. _"I need to be brilliant,"_ he told himself. But being brilliant would require copious amounts of actual experience in a social environment. Alfred did not have this; and he knewthat he did not have this.

It had only been a second, but it felt as though he stood there for an hour: dumbstruck and confounded. Kyu gestured toward Audrey in a clear sign to have Alfred say something. Whilst staring at the pink haired pixie he spoke out calmly, "Yeah, my magical love fairy that follows me around kicked me in the balls because I insulted her."

Before Alfred had a moment to think about what he had said, he heard Audrey snort and cough.

She was laughing!

Relief flooded into his mind. His simple truth must have caught the girl off guard because she laughed for a decent amount of time. Alfred was unsure what to do, and so he simply smoked his cigarette while leaning up against the wall. Is that what Leonardo DiCaprio would have done? He noticed Audrey was looking at him and smiling.

She leaned in slightly toward him, "Are you tripping?" she asked quietly. She seemed genuinely curious this time.

Kyu's eyes widened. "Say yes!" she exclaimed in her high pitched voice.

Say yes to using drugs when he was clearly sober? What a ridiculous thing to consider. Was Kyu on acid? Why would she advise him to agree to that? Alfred did not feel high, save for the small buzz that he had received from the cigarette. (But that had mostly worn off) He did not look high either; his pupils were hardly dilated and his speech was intact.

He didn't understand why Kyu would want him to agree to being intoxicated, but he knew that she was the love fairy, and that he was the human that was very much in need of some help. He put his trust into Kyu, as she _was_ the one that had gotten him this far.

"I might be," he said with a small smile. Kyu gently pushed him closer to the girl so that he was leaning in close to her in a manner similar to what she was doing to him. He was now just inches away from her face.

"Would you be impressed if I was?" He asked as he felt a warm tingling sensation hug itself throughout his bosom. Was this what flirting felt like?

Audrey seemed pleased with his answer as her smile had grown. "Fuck yes!" she exclaimed. She sounded relieved; "I was hoping that you would be cool." She began to rummage through her little black purse; after a brief moment she pulled out a pen and paper.

Alfred smiled on the inside; he had seen enough movies to know where this was going. Kyu did a small dance of joy off to the side. As Audrey finished writing down on the paper, a black Camaro drove up to side of the curb and parked next to them. Was this her ride? She was leaving?

She gave the paper to the man, "That's my phone number," she began as she walked toward the car. "Text me if you want to get high, or something later." She opened the car door, "I don't normally give my number out, but you _are_ cute; and if you're my new smoking buddy then we might as well smoke something good." She playfully waved goodbye to him, and shut the door to the car.

Alfred squinted his eyes together to try and get a better look at who was driving the vehicle, but the windows were dim and the automobile sped off quickly leaving behind a thin trail of smoke. Kyu and the young hermit were left alone. He tossed the half smoked cigarette onto the ground now that the girl had left. He pressed his foot onto the butt to put it out; he didn't like smoking anymore, and had taken it only as a socializing gesture.

The fairy finished her silly dancing and playfully punched Alfred on the shoulder. "Look at Mr. Cupid over here!" she joked.

The two laughed together. Alfred felt tremendous. Was it really that simple to get a girl's phone number? He felt as if he had been raving about nonexistent problems. He smiled to himself. Maybe he could get used to talking to people.

"Does he really exist?" Alfred asked with a grin still on his face. He had legitimately always been curious to whether there was any truth behind the Roman legends of gods and goddesses.

"Does who exist? Cupid?" Kyu replied with a snort. "Absolutely," her smile quickly turned into a frown. "But he's a fat piece of shit and I hate him."

" _Interesting,"_ Alfred thought to himself. That seemed like a topic worthy of pursuit: Kyu's hatred toward an old mythological being. He wanted to question the fairy further about an ancient deity, but she was quick to change the topic back to the subject at hand.

"Let's not talk about old gods. Let's talk about how _you_ just got a girl's phone number!" she winked at him. "You totally have to call her!" She took his hand and shook it excitedly like a child would to their mother when begging for candy at the store.

Alfred wanted to call Audrey. The thought of hanging out with a girl had seemed impossible just this morning. But now he was here, with a phone number to a complete stranger. And yet, he felt nothing but hesitation toward calling her.

 **Thoughts:** _Despite some struggles in my personal life, I am pleased with how most of this chapter turned out. I look forward to hearing feedback from all of you. Leave reviews, as they help immensely!_

 _Until next time,_

 **TFP**


End file.
